You First

The Irony

Most of us have had the feeling at one time or another that we have lost control of our lives, that we are going through the motions with no reward. It can seem like someone else wrote the script because after all, we couldn’t have done this to ourselves now, could we? Unfortunately, the answer is almost always , yes, we did

How Did This Happen?

Little by little we give authority over our lives away. We give it to family, friends and employers by just going along with their wishes and never advocating for ourselves. Pretty soon we have no peace, no joy and no hope. It’s imperative that we regain a sense of control by speaking up for ourselves and acting on what we say. Restoration of hope and self-esteem are within our reach and recovery is entirely in our hands. If we act like a victim, we will be a victim. If we act like a victor, we will be victorious.

What Do You Want?

When we have allowed ourselves to fall into a state of misery within any situation it’s usually because we have not clarified to ourselves, or others, what we want or need. Once we know what we want, we can create a plan of action to get it. Is it more income? Well, look for another job, a different one or an extra one. If you are in a dead-end job with no hope of advancement or a raise, start looking around for something better. In the meantime use your down time to work another part-time job. The idea is to do something. Doing nothing will not change your income. It has been said that the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expect different results.

If you want to be healthier by losing body fat and getting fit, quit eating sugar and ask your doctor what exercise would be good for you. Again, wishing for health and doing the same things that got you fat and soft will not change your life. Action is required. There are so many empty calories in sugar that it’s very difficult to sustain a healthy weight if you continue to eat it. Go to the Calorie Counter to determine your caloric needs.

You Are A Person Too

When we have lived our lives in service to others, we tend to forget that we have rights. If you still intend to take care of other people, you must take care of yourself first, otherwise you will not be mentally or physically fit to care for someone else. If you have no intention of caregiving, then put your needs first simply to give them top priority. Life is full and busy and whatever is put on the top of your to-do list is what will get done. Make sure that it’s you. Don’t allow others to control your time, energy or money. You are your best project. You decide how these precious commodities will be managed to best improve your life.

Realize Your Value

Everyone has unique characteristics that need to be nourished and cared for in order to flourish and thrive. You are not like anyone else. You are your own best advocate. Speak up for control of your schedule. When we have nothing else to work with we still have time. Make certain that you use it to your best advantage. Family and others will try to interfere with your plans quite often because they are not managing their lives well and it’s easier to control you than to dig in and make the changes necessary to be complete in themselves. Self-advocacy is hard work. Many are not willing to put in the work but when you do, the reward is a full life with less stress. Speak up.

Knowledge Is Power

Whatever your situation, get the facts that are relevant. Since you are on the internet, google the thing that is bothering you and get some ideas about your rights and what can be done to rectify your situation. There is a great deal of legal information and practical ideas available on the internet. Research deeply and cross-reference to make sure that the information that you have is correct. Once you are satisfied that you have the knowledge that you need, begin to implement those ideas. It can be as simple as standing your ground for the time to work out or as complex as knowing your legal rights in a delicate situation. Whatever is holding you back or keeping you awake at night, study and become pro-active rather than reactive in this situation. You take control when you become pro-active. Reactive people just roll with the tide. Proactive people control the tide.


Put your knowledge into action. If it’s as simple as learning how to say “No.” then begin to say “No.” If it’s a major life change such as a new job or the end of an abusive relationship, do it. All the knowledge in the world won’t do you any good if you don’t use it. If there are people who will help you, get them on board. If not, take a deep breath and do it anyway.


Make sure that you make the necessary contacts an/or take the necessary actions to get what you need. Don’t waste your energy with things and people who won’t have a positive input into your plan. You have wasted enough time already with uncooperative people and dysfunctional situations.


Speak up for exactly what you want. Don’t settle for less. This is a task to improve your life, not settle. You have already done that. If settling for less than what you need has not satisfied you before why do you think it will now? Know what you want and go for it.

Don’t Quit

Never give up on your quest for contentment. It will be hard. You will want to quit. Don’t Quit. There is an old saying that “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.” Squeak loudly.

Comments and questions are most welcome!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.