Almost 34 years ago, I was out riding my 1964 Harley Davidson Sportser when I ran into my old buddy Howard and his sister. The same sister who a few days previously would not give me the time of day when I had tried to speak with her while she was tanning out in front of her mothers home with a friend when I had stopped by. I guess she thought I was some kind of wild man or something. But anyhow, on this day, once Loraine knew that Howard and I were friends she asked Howard if she could have a ride on my Harley. I said to her, “It is my bike, you should be asking me”.
She then asked me if she could have a ride, and me being me, how could I possibly deny this hot chick. I told her to climb on and we have been an item ever since. We used to have so much fun on that old Harley, we loved hitting twisty roads and every so often I would hear her piping up from behind me imploring me to “ride a wheelie”. We were young and carefree, living life to the fullest. About seven months later, I made this beautiful woman my wife and became Dad to her two small children Michael and Jennifer.
Loraine and I have had a good life together, although not always an easy one. We were married September 20th 1986, our baby girl Molly was born April 20, 1987, and I returned to the Navy in May of 1987.
We had a little Datsun B210 that we packed as full as we could with clothing and other personal items and set off for San Diego to my new duty station at Naval Air Station Miramar. That cross country trip was quite the adventure. The kids were crammed in the back, while our baby Molly rode in Loraine’s lap. That little Datsun was a dependable vehicle, but as soon as we arrived in San Diego, Loraine insisted we were going to get her a bigger car, she was never going to be that cramped in a car ever again. We went out and bought her a 1984 Oldsmobile Cutlass that day.
Being a military wife is a very tough job, they say it is the toughest job in the armed forces. After four years in Miramar, we were transferred to Naval Air Station Norfolk, Virginia where we would spend the next five years before being transferred once again to Dallas, Texas where we were for the next two years before I left the Navy.
Navy life was tough on Loraine and the kids. Not only did she have to deal with our being transferred a few times. She had to cope with the problems that would arise with the kids having to leave their friends behind. Of course, most of their friends were also military brats, so they were constantly moving away too. And then there was all my time spent away from home when she would have to take on the role of Mom and Dad while I was gone. My duties were quite demanding to say the least. Even when I was not gone on a detachment, I would work eighty to one hundred hour work weeks. At Helicopter Combat Support Special Squadron 4 (HCS-) in Virginia, I was on a seventy two hour contingency to deploy anywhere in the world in support of Navy Special Warfare operations. I was in a Navy helicopter special operations command with a mission of Combat Search and Rescue along with Special Warfare support of SEAL teams out of Dam Neck, Virginia. This was an exciting tour of duty, but it was terribly rough on our families who never knew when or if we would be called away. We seemed to always be away…
Military life was pretty hard on my family. May of 1997, I left the Navy involuntarily. I’m not getting into all the details about that, but will say I had issues that were coming from what has now been diagnosed as severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I had a bad time readjusting to civilian life for several years, and in 2008, I returned to military service in the Kansas Army Reserve National Guard as a Staff Sergeant. I re-enlisted one day without talking to my family about it. I went home and asked Loraine what she would think if I told her I could get back into the military. She looked at me and said, “You already re-enlisted didn’t you”. She knew how important it was to me to finish my career and gave me her full support despite there was full likelihood I would either deploy to Iraq or Afghanistan for combat operations at the age of 46 years old. In fact, I was about to deploy with my unit to Afghanistan when I blew out my spine at L5 S1 in an accident at my civilian job. This injury resulted in me being off of full time work for a year, required epidural injections into my spine, spinal surgery followed by two months of physical therapy. It took me a year to learn to walk normal again after this injury, along with kicking an opiate addiction that came from my prolonged use of prescription oxycodone. I retired for medical reasons October 2010.
This article is not supposed to be about me though. I hope to have set the stage where you can see how tough life has been on my dear wife while being so very supportive of me in all of my endeavors. She has stepped up to the plate and been the best wife a man could ever ask for. She has supported me through my military career no matter how hectic life could be for her and the kids at home. She has supported me through the craziness of my PTSD. She carried the torch when I blew out my spine and kept us afloat when others might have left me when I could not support my family as a result of this painful injury. She has supported me through her two other bouts of cancer, one when the needs of the Navy often came before the needs of my family. Now, with her third go round with cancer, this time breast cancer, I will do everything in my power to be every bit of the support she needs out of me.
No matter what she decides about her treatments with this breast cancer, I will stand by her decisions. Right now, Loraine has decided to go through with a full mastectomy of both breasts and then undergo reconstruction during the same surgical procedure. She has my support.
If she changes her mind about reconstruction and just goes with a full mastectomy, she still has my undying support.
Should she change her mind and decide to go with just a lumpectomy procedure which will for sure require radiation and possibly chemo, she has my support.
No matter what she decides with this breast cancer, I will stand strong at her side and support her in her decisions. It is her body that is being affected. She has to live with this, I will support her. It is her mind that has to get wrapped around a full mastectomy, I will be there for her.
If you have a loved one going through any type of cancer, it is a true act of selfless love to be there for their emotional support. This battle is likely to get hard, but we will prevail. Of this, I have faith. God bless and thank you for reading.