He/She Won’t Date Me Cause I’m Fat

Angry fat man
Photo by kues1 @ Freepik

 I read an article on Newsweek the other day titled “Man’s ‘Blunt Honesty’ Over Why He Can’t Date Overweight Woman Sparks Debate”.

The first paragraph in the read article reads as such:

“A man who told a woman in no uncertain terms they could not date because she is overweight prompted a major discussion around dating preferences and honesty online”.

I have to tell you, this is a topic we have addressed with some of our readers here on our website, as well as on our social media accounts. On the surface, this issue appears to be one man who lacks substance being mean to an over-weight woman. But that being said, is it really shallowness when an individual who is not fat refuses to date someone else who is? In some cases, it may certainly well be shallowness, but there is another side to this topic which needs to be addressed that does not involve those who lack good character traits. I do not condone in any way, shape, or form anyone treating anyone else with cruelness – but just because someone will not date you because you are fat, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are being cruel to you. And here is why:

  1. You might believe this issue is solely about looks, but have you ever considered that it is quite possibly more about lifestyle than anything else. If you are obese and your love interest is in good physical condition, do you think it is possible that your different lifestyles are not compatible with each other?
    • If your love interest is into highly physical sports, are you going to get into shape in order to enjoy those sports with them? Or, would you expect your object of desire to modify their lifestyle to fit yours. If so, then neither one of you will ever be happy with the other.
    • Can you walk around a park or nature trail all day?
    • How about riding a bicycle, can you go very far before you are ready to quit?
    • Would you rather go out to eat rather than shop for, and then cook whole healthy foods at home?
    • Are you, the over-weight individual, able to accept that your crush is proactive and makes it a priority to be healthy every day?
  2. You may be offended that someone who is “good looking and fit” will not date you, but how much are you willing to change your lifestyle to fit theirs?
  3. We have to understand that most people date people who have lives that are somewhat similar rather than complete opposites.
  4. Would you bring someone into your life who is likely to have, or already does have ailments that can be directly attributed to poor lifestyle choices? How much responsibility do you want to shoulder for another individuals burdens that they have for the most part caused themselves.
  5. Would you date an alcoholic or a drug addict? Whether you want to admit it or not, food addiction is just as harmful – even if your over indulgences have occurred at church functions.

I am going to close this out by saying that I absolutely cannot stand mean spirited or bullying behavior out of anyone for any reason. But if you have a weight problem and feel shunned by someone who refuses to date you, there is a good possibility it is not because of how your weight has impacted your looks – you do not have to be thin and in shape to be attractive.

What you have to understand is people of different lifestyles often do not co-mingle in relationships. Have you ever known a doctor to date a day laborer? Probably not. But if you do, you would know this is an exception and not the rule. Next time someone turns down your advances because of your weight, I want you to think about something – how would you respond if someone who was of sound mind but suffered from something like Cerebral Palsy or some other debilitating disease that would interfere with your lifestyle was trying to date you? Do you think this would be a different circumstance than yours? If so, please let us know why.

This article has been meant to not offend anyone, but to get people to think and to check their own attitude in how they act towards others. We all have people we would not date for one reason or another, and this simple fact does not necessarily make us self-centered, mean people.

Comments and questions are most welcome!

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